with God.

I just saw this quote the other day:
"Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point."

How true this is. Lately everything that I do starts and ends with God as my motive, my purpose. I can no longer imagine going through life without God as my focus. It would be meaningless, it would have no point.

God has been giving me so much courage to speak about Him. I remember a couple of years ago when I would be so afraid to even mention the name of God, or faith for that matter, in front of my cousins. Now it comes more naturally.

Thank you God for courage. Thank you for allowing me to know you and follow you.

Greater, Lesser

Jesus said "I must become greater, you must become lesser". Our ultimate daily goal should be to point people to Jesus. And the only way to do this is to take ourselves out of the picture. To be honest, this is difficult for me. I do want the recognition. While I still believe it was God working through me, I want people to know that it was God working through ME. Like always, God chooses specific times to teach us this lesson. And I was taught this yesterday.

The past couple of days have been crazy and hectic; buying gifts and wrapping gifts for a family that I am sponsoring. On Wednesday I received a bonus check from school for a very significant amount, therefore was able to be much more free in my giving to this family. I went a little crazy; two new outfits for the boys, two pairs of shoes, a girls outfit, two 25 gift cards, two Bucks tickets, 2 toys, one board game. It was an absolute blast shopping. My heart was so full of love and anticipation for the giving of the gifts. Kari drove over to the house with me after school. One of the boys was sitting on the steps as we pulled up. An uncle came out of the house. We gave them the gifts and that was that. Of course in my mind I had planned out a scenario. I had planned to be invited into the house, for all the kids to be there, to talk with the mom, etc. But that would have magnified me. And the point is to magnify God. And I do believe that God will be magnified, and I will be lesser.

So in the end they will know that someone cared enough to think of them. And perhaps this will strengthen their faith in God and motivate them to do the same someday.

Fufilled.

I have truly felt filled lately. Filled with God's love. Overflowing love that I can share with others. Filled with diversity. Diversity of people and experience. Filled with joy. Filled with contentment. All of this comes from God. I have no doubts about that.

I was trying to explain that to mom on the phone tonight. Trying to explain that I feel very fufilled with the work that I am doing-both paid and unpaid. Basically I am serving. And when I serve others I lose track of myself. And when I lose track of myself I am overwhelmed with gratitude for opportunities that I have to walk alongside others. I made some comment that if I were in a relationship I wouldn't necessarily have the time to give. She agreed, but said that there might come a time in my life when I am not fulfilled by the work I am doing anymore. I can't imagine ever saying that God's work doesn't fulfill me. What a slap in the face to God. God's will for me will ALWAYS fill me. It will never leave me empty. As much as I love my family, they don't get it. They don't get the way that God has completely changed and completed my life.

Orphans and widows.

My favorite Bible verse is the one about true religion.  True religion is caring for orphans and widows in need and not being polluted by the world.  The second part has become much easier for me.  The first part is slowly being revealed to me.  While orphan usually means a child without parents I am also seeing that orphan can mean a child whose parents are not emotionally present.  Children who are neglected.  Children who are not being parented.  I don't know when or why the idea of foster care popped into my head, but it did.  And I don't know exactly why I decided to call and sign up for a meeting, but I did.  And I don't know exactly why I actually went to the information meeting, but I did.  And when I got there I was forever changed.  So many kids needing a temporary place to live and be loved.  And I can do that.  I may not be the prototype for a foster home, but I have love and Jesus.  So now I just fill out the paperwork.  I guess if the paperwork goes through then God has made it clear this is how I will care for the orphans and if not maybe he has other plans.

Blessings.

A day full of blessings. Children ready to learn. Children singing and dancing. Children treating each other with kindness. Children being kids.

There is a 4th grade teacher at school that I really admire. She has amazing rapport with her kids and a passion for this job despite teaching almost 10 years. Last week she did meditation with her class and gave me the link. I've done it for 10 minutes the past 2 days and it has been incredible. So often the days and their lives are loud, busy, fast paced. It was amazing to watch them lay down, close their eyes and slow down. When I asked them afterwards how they felt, one child said it felt like he was in another world.

I asked him what he wanted for Christmas this year. He said clothes and new shoes. White and blue shoes. A six year old child wanting clothes for Christmas.

After school a group of middle school students and myself went over to a home for the disabled and elderly to deliver Christmas cards. Many of these people were homebound and rarely left. I went around to the rooms with 2 8th grade girls. They did an incredible job of being confident and hospitable. It was no neat to watch. One lady was so surprised that someone had made a card for her. Another man barely opened the door and you could tell that door hadn't been opened for a while. I seriously saw the love of Christ being shared tonight. I don't know if I've seen it so obvious like that before. Perhaps I just have my eyes and heart open more.

A day of absolute blessings and privileges. A God who could save the world is allowing me to be a part of His glory and love.

Light.

I was handed a note by a six year old today that said "God loves you".

I have a student that tells me something hurts daily. My eye hurts. My knee hurts. Today when he looked back at me I said "Your eye hurts?" He shook his head no. "Your knee hurts?" He shook his head no. "Keep going" he said. A cry for attention and affection. He makes up ailments for a hug or a touch.

I have a student that gently helped another child fix her spelling of the word "pork" to say "park".

I have amazing students that are persevering despite some harsh conditions. I have students that were made and chosen by God to do great things.

Purpose.

Finding our life's purpose is really quite simple. It's in the Bible. Feed those that are hungry. Clothe those that are naked. Love God and love your neighbor as yourself.

I feel more and more like I am falling into the path God wants for me. God is transforming my desires into HIS desires. No longer do I want to do things for myself. I want to be with others, loving others. And usually the others are the disadvantaged.

On Friday I delivered some keys to one of the kids homes so that they could get in their house. There had been a miscommunication with their sister, so they would have no way to get in. She didn't want them to be cold and had no way to get the keys to them. So I went. They were standing outside. I can't imagine what they were thinking. It was cold and they had no way in. They were happy and surprised to see us. It was a quick encounter. I would want someone to help me in my house if I was cold. It is that simple.

I am still unsure why God has given my heart so much love for this child. I love them all, but it is different. I will continue to be faithful to God and keep my eyes open to the opportunities he is placing in front of me. I will continue to say YES.